Progrums

In a move that will surely thrill the 14 true Virginia Tech fans still paying attention, a College Football Insider has definitively ruled out Shane Beamer and Michael Vick as serious candidates for the Hokies’ head coaching vacancy. Sources say the insider would rather field suggestions from baristas at Starbucks or random fantasy football league…

The New York Jets have bravely decided that the only plausible antidote to their chronic losing streak is summoning back Tyrod Taylor, the long-retired quarterback whose last start dates back to the dinosaur era—er, two years ago. In a daring second-season-with-the-team move, Gang Green hopes that injecting a blast from the past will spark the…

After finally giving Brent Pry the boot, Virginia Tech is treating its head coaching vacancy like a clearance sale—everything must go. Enter Alex Golesh, the South Florida wunderkind whose name has been tossed around Blacksburg like confetti at a bad wedding. Athletic director Whit Babcock seems convinced that hiring a coach who specializes in sunny…

Virginia Tech fans tuned in hoping for a late-season miracle. Instead, they got their third straight loss, courtesy of Old Dominion’s marching band-turned-Wildcats-on-steroids act. Now ESPN’s FPI—sporting more algorithms than a NASA launch—has pored over the Hokies’ remaining 2025 schedule and delivered its verdict: play time’s over. According to the all-knowing predictive model, Tech’s best…

Reporters showed up expecting groundbreaking strategy, only to discover that Whit Babcock and Philip Montgomery’s biggest play of the day was a synchronized shrug. Lead editor Thomas Hughes bravely decoded five earth-shattering revelations from Tuesday’s huddle—sorry, press conference: 1. “Ball goes forward,” Montgomery declared, punctuating the insight with a confused stare. 2. Babcock hinted at…

In a stunning display of career ambition and condiment obsession, Michael Vick has reportedly applied for the Virginia Tech head coaching job—while simultaneously demanding lifetime BBQ sauce stockpile and a pet hokie bird on the sidelines. According to sources deep in the rumor kitchen, Vick spent his weekend binge-watching game tape… of his own highlights,…

Week three handed the ACC a collective midlife crisis that not even a couple of mid-range pickups could fix. The Virginia Tech Hokies, fresh off their 0-3 faceplant and the surprise ejection of Coach Brent Pry, plummeted through the rankings like a lead balloon. Fans are reportedly checking local ponds for their “drowning in disappointment”…

The athletic director swaggered into the room Tuesday like a TED Talk superstar, coffee cup in hand, ready to drop knowledge bombs no one saw coming. Whit Babcock dazzled reporters with thrilling updates on topics like “budget spreadsheets,” “equipment logistics” and the shocking revelation that—hold onto your seats—the team might actually practice before games. He…

Philip Montgomery strode onto the podium Tuesday like a man who accidentally wandered into the wrong press conference—but then owned it. The newly minted interim HC opened by announcing that “interim” is just a fancy word for “still figuring it out,” and that his playbook is currently held together by hope and duct tape. When…

Campus insiders say Virginia Tech is poised to bring back Michael Vick as head coach, because nothing screams “winning culture” like reuniting with a legend known for elite speed and, uh, extracurricular activities. Preparations are already underway: dining halls will serve “Puppy Chow Surprise,” complete with mystery protein, and the marching band is learning new…