Progrums

Virginia Tech’s head coaching gig has opened up faster than a drive-thru at 2 a.m., after the Hokies bravely decided Brent Pry’s tenure ended following that soul-crushing loss to Ol—because who really remembers? Now, the rumor mill is in overdrive: sources whisper about surefire legends, fringe conference heroes, even the groundskeeper’s cousin who once coached…

Lead editor Thomas Hughes has emerged from his weekly editorial hibernation to deliver the world’s most consequential hot takes on Hokies football. He dissected everything from that jaw-dropping fourth-quarter play—did someone sprinkle magic pixie dust on the playbook or just forget the Xs and Os?—to the communal group therapy sessions now erupting in Lane Stadium…

In a bold strategic pivot, Virginia Tech is reportedly considering not one, but an entire battalion of Group of Five head coaches to lead their football program. Rumor has it the Hokies brass wants diverse play-calling styles—everything from air raid specialists scribbling X’s and O’s on cocktail napkins to triple-option gurus who insist in-game pep…

In a move hailed as both brilliant and utterly baffling, Virginia Tech has unveiled its five-card monte approach to filling a head-coaching vacancy that apparently no one else wants. Fans will soon be treated to a rotating roster of potential saviors—from a championship-winning wunderkind who’s currently perfecting his craft on the Moon, to a charismatic…

In a stunning display of priorities, Virginia Tech announced the kickoff time and TV channel for its Week Five showdown with NC State—because who really cares who’s running the football program when you know exactly when to tune in? Athletic officials confirmed the game will start at a very specific hour on an easily accessible…

The year is 2024, the Brent Pry era has dawned, and Virginia Tech’s roster has its first “oh no” moment: junior defensive back Dante Lovett has reportedly vaulted headfirst into the mystical Transfer Portal. Sources say Lovett was simply trying to snag a late-night snack at the student union when he misread the QR code…

Virginia Tech officials have reportedly consulted with NASA, a Hollywood effects studio, and an overly enthusiastic marching band to craft the ultimate pitch for South Carolina’s head coach, Shane Beamer. Sources say Hokie fans are fundraising for a “Buy Shane a Farm” campaign, while campus flyers advertise free hugs from the entire defensive line if…

Now that head coach Brent Pry has been escorted off campus faster than a freshman sneaking in ramen noodles, Virginia Tech has thrown open the grand old celebration of self-eviction: the monthly Transfer Portal Bash. For the next thirty days, every wide receiver, linebacker, and fourth-string punter can waltz out of Lane Stadium carrying a…

In a move that stunned absolutely no one who watched the 2025 season’s opening three games, Virginia Tech has listed its head coaching position on Craigslist right next to a slightly dented lawnmower. Brent Pry, the unlucky soul who suffered a brutal 0-3 start and limped to a 16-24 overall record, was politely escorted to…