Progrums

In a shocking turn of events that had fans checking to see if their TVs were on fast-forward, Philip Montgomery’s debut as Virginia Tech’s interim head coach ended in a 38-6 thrashing of Wofford—because apparently the Hokies decided mercy was overrated. After a season of glorious defeat, the team finally remembered how to play football,…

Philip Montgomery swaggered to the podium like a guy who’d just discovered free food in the break room, beaming after his Hokies obliterated Wofford 38-6. He kicked off by thanking the ball for not deflating itself, then confessed he spent halftime Googling “Where exactly is Wofford, again?” before deciding it definitely wasn’t in the Pac-12.…

After giving Brent Pry the heave-ho, the Hokies stumbled onto a radical new strategy: actually score more points than the other team. That nugget of wisdom led to a gleeful 38-6 demolition of Wofford, a squad so bewildered it considered filing a missing-person report on its own offense. Fans, long conditioned to rhythmic sighs and…

Virginia Tech fans erupted in cautious jubilation as the Hokies notched their first W of 2025, annihilating FCS side Wofford 38-6 in what experts are already calling the “Friendly Fire Cup.” The offense showered the scoreboard with more points than a birthday piñata, while Wofford’s defense played an impressive game of hide-and-seek they didn’t know…

In a bold display of gridiron generosity, Virginia Tech has graciously invited Wofford to its Lane Stadium pinata party, where every offensive line is a potential target. Fans can expect real-time thrills as Hokie defenders pluck tackles like low-hanging fruit, while the Wofford offense searches desperately for the ball—rumor has it they misplaced it in…

Interim head coach Philip Montgomery strode into his first game like a zookeeper tasked with taming a herd of overenthusiastic marshmallows—otherwise known as the Hokies’ defense. After generously gifting opponents 113 points in three matchups (because who doesn’t love unruly scoring parties?), Montgomery’s top priority is convincing his squad that, yes, tackling is a thing…

After an epic 0-3 stumble into irrelevance, Virginia Tech football has officially dubbed today’s game with Wofford “Phase One of Our Redemption Plan.” Coaches have dusted off ancient playbooks and are teaching fundamentals like “avoid penalties” and “stop the other team from scoring.” Quarterbacks are receiving motivational speeches delivered in interpretive dance, while wide receivers…

Interim head coach Philip Montgomery has apparently decided that what Virginia Tech really needed was more drama—and three fresh targets to catch criticism instead of kicks. After piling up a princely 56 points across three games (a total even diehard fans’ eyebrows consider generous), the Hokies have spotlighted three offense players to right this ship—maybe…

In a stunning display of journalistic valor, six brave scribblers have declared themselves experts on tomorrow’s monumental battle between Virginia Tech and Wofford. Armed with nothing but caffeine-fueled overconfidence, outdated playbooks, and a vague recollection of last season’s stats, they’ve boldly predicted who will strut off the field with bragging rights. Some bet on Virginia…

With just one caffeine-fueled evening remaining before kickoff hysteria, lead editor Thomas Hughes has apparently been deputized as the Hokies’ official existential guide. Sources confirm he’ll be standing on the sidelines armed with a whiteboard full of flow charts meant to answer life’s greatest question: “Why are we even tackling Wofford tonight?” In a move…